Wishin me luck (and a fuck?)
5:21 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
8 months ago I was Heather 2.0
who evolved from Heather 1.0
It was a slow but clear progression.
I didn't like 2.0, for many reasons.
So I have made myself regress back to 1.0
It turns out that's where the best of me was left behind.
And the general consensus seems to be the same, that Heather 1.0 kicks 2.0's arse. Not because there was anything wrong with it, just that 1.0 had something extra that 2.0 lacked. So I'm back here at 1.0 but not quite, I've got the experience of being 2.0 and a clear vision of what I want to change and what I need to hold onto.
I'd say I'm actually Heather 1b
Which is a completely different grading scale and means I don't have to go back through 2.0 to evolve. I'm just going to evolve in a completely different direction.
God, I can talk crap.
So I guess I'll just keep going with the crap. I'm on a roll!
I've been on quite an emotional rollercoaster.
I feel myself drawn to other people, sometimes in a really strong overpowering fashion. Sometimes in a slowly building pull. Its like I fall a little bit in love with everyone I meet,
and that's really lovely.
Its getting me into trouble and causing heartache, it's invigorating and I love it. I'm still in the process of securing who I am as an independent person, rather than a "Heather&" I don't really want to be getting back into that, not yet. I think it would be harmful overall. At the same time threes always that overwhelming sense of lonely which you wanna just fill up. So I'm teetering on this edge of wanting everything and nothing. I don't know who I want, or what I want or why.
Plus I'm more often drunk or enhanced now and therefore more prone to doing and saying silly things. That doesn't help.
but
god
I love life right now.
Now there's that little bit of excitement at the possibility of something developing. I don't know what's going to happen, or even if its all in my head. I don't care, it's exciting and I'm just going to close my eyes and walk forwards and see what happens.
ready?
here I go
.
who evolved from Heather 1.0
It was a slow but clear progression.
I didn't like 2.0, for many reasons.
So I have made myself regress back to 1.0
It turns out that's where the best of me was left behind.
And the general consensus seems to be the same, that Heather 1.0 kicks 2.0's arse. Not because there was anything wrong with it, just that 1.0 had something extra that 2.0 lacked. So I'm back here at 1.0 but not quite, I've got the experience of being 2.0 and a clear vision of what I want to change and what I need to hold onto.
I'd say I'm actually Heather 1b
Which is a completely different grading scale and means I don't have to go back through 2.0 to evolve. I'm just going to evolve in a completely different direction.
God, I can talk crap.
So I guess I'll just keep going with the crap. I'm on a roll!
I've been on quite an emotional rollercoaster.
I feel myself drawn to other people, sometimes in a really strong overpowering fashion. Sometimes in a slowly building pull. Its like I fall a little bit in love with everyone I meet,
and that's really lovely.
Its getting me into trouble and causing heartache, it's invigorating and I love it. I'm still in the process of securing who I am as an independent person, rather than a "Heather&" I don't really want to be getting back into that, not yet. I think it would be harmful overall. At the same time threes always that overwhelming sense of lonely which you wanna just fill up. So I'm teetering on this edge of wanting everything and nothing. I don't know who I want, or what I want or why.
Plus I'm more often drunk or enhanced now and therefore more prone to doing and saying silly things. That doesn't help.
but
god
I love life right now.
Now there's that little bit of excitement at the possibility of something developing. I don't know what's going to happen, or even if its all in my head. I don't care, it's exciting and I'm just going to close my eyes and walk forwards and see what happens.
ready?
here I go
.
2 comments:
Fucking brilliant. All of it.
I'm so happy for you because you deserve this. More than anyone else I know.
awesome! what you said 100%, completely makes sense. i love it. you wont ever be heather 2.0 again, you're now moving forward it a new and better direction. good for you!
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